These Days

Not much can make me as bizarrely tickled as reading this blog. Everything those babies do just makes me grin, and just laugh to myself like a crazy person all day. Oh my gosh I want babies! And yes a little bit in the irrational way, but also in the totally normal I can wait and not be one of those drooling feverish girls kindof ways. It's a perpetual mix up in this girls head, but no worries, much as I kindof want to, my obsession is only going as far as picking out which star shaped baby Patagonia snow suit I would buy, not actually buying it. Gahhh oh well. This week has been bizarre. The 21st was the day my grandmother died a year ago, and it has not been easy. I lived with her, and still every day I expect to go downstairs and have her waiting in her room for her breakfast and the daily gossip. It's not easy to even realize that she's gone, much less that she was basically bed-ridden when she finally passed. She was a huge part of my life, for better or for worse, and we had the kind of relationship where if I yelled "Mom!," two people would answer: her and my actual mother. There was no difference for any of us. So it's still just a surreal feeling, but anniversaries always seem to put things into perspective, and the fact that my grandmother isn't downstairs waiting to give me her opinion on how scandalous whatever knee length skirt I'm wearing is, much less that she isn't the wonder-woman who would walk 9 miles as a before breakfast hike up-AND-down pretty much every mountain in Acadia National Park, is hard to bear. I know it's part of life, and dying happens, but why my German GI Jane grandmother. It's a coping kind of week, and I miss her.

The Brothers (Happy and Pouty), Grandma Alma and Me